Is Natural Family Planning a good or bad practice? Is the Novus Ordo Missa spiritually beneficial or harmful? Both of these, NFP and the new Mass, are post-Vatican II developments, and they have become ripe sources of controversy among traditional Catholics. Since Vatican II appeared to have produced them, they are under suspicion of being a product of revolutionary liberals rather than Tradition. They are hotly argued in close-knit circles, but not mentioned in acquaintance-laden situations. And where one stands on these two issues has become for some a primary litmus test of being a ‘real’ Catholic.
Some traditionalists with which I have spoken portray the use of NFP by Catholic couples as a serious sin, as if intrinsically evil, equivalent for all intents and purposes to the use of artificial contraception or sterilization. Of course, the distinction is made between the intrinsically evil use of artificial methods to prevent pregnancy and the morally permissible use of periodic abstinence, but still there is an implication that in practice, NFP is morally suspect. Couples, they insist, are bound by their marriage vows to bring into their union as many children as possible—period.
Of course, there are many Catholic families who do just this. What their reasons are or how they are able to make such heroic sacrifices is as mysterious as how two people stay married. There are, on the other hand, many Catholic couples who have one or two children, with reasons as mysterious and sacrifices as heroic. Even so, moral judgments must be made, and Catholics are in need of rigorous guidelines on this issue in order to make good ones. A good, invective-free discussion on the matter is urgent, because many good Catholics, who are neither selfish modernists nor crazy fanatics, are struggling to find answers about NFP.
This issue hits right at the heart of marriage and at the heart of the Church, for it appears to mimic the liberalizing tendencies of much of Vatican II, making the answers to moral and doctrinal questions appear somewhat relative and overly dependent on the individual conscience. A clear articulation of principles is lacking in most Catholic clergy and laypeople. This is in part due to modernism, which enables the individual’s “right” to derive his own meaning from the universe to usurp the rightful place of the tradition and authority of perennial Church teaching. As a result, a couple (or, more likely, a woman) will hear unbearably confusing messages coming from different priests: “Follow your conscience,” another, “Now, I hope you will bring as many babies into the world as you can; this is what God wants,” and yet another, “I see you are having a hard time right now; you need to take this into consideration when you are thinking about the number of children you should have.”
Therefore, in the absence of clear and consistent advice from the shepherds, the lay person is left with the unbearable responsibility of understanding the perennial Church teaching on moral issues like NFP all by himself. Nevertheless, just because there is not strong and clear guidance readily available does not mean that lay people are exempt from any culpability in this issue. During the Arian heresy in the forth century, St. Athanasius tells us that it was largely the faith and efforts of the lay people that kept the truth alive in his diocese while he was exiled. They rose to the occasion, and so must we.
Starting with the extremist positions is helpful in hashing out what is the reasonable position, the “middle between two extremes” of Aristotelian virtue, not mealy-mouthed compromise, but rather balance. Hillare Belloc described heresy as an unbalancing of the truth, with some part of the truth being overemphasized or underemphasized. Liberal Christianity and Islam, for example, are the two opposite poles of what is essentially a Catholic heresy. Muslims leave out the grace and mercy of Christ, overemphasizing the inexorability of the divine will and his severe justice, while liberal Christianity mitigate God’s justice and the appeasement necessary to satisfy that justice. The balance is our Holy Catholic faith, of course, which, by virtue of the Holy Spirit, holds the precarious balance between mercy and justice.
NFP is no different. This serious moral issue has extreme positions, and there is a balance. How does one reach the balance in these times, where clarity on orthopraxy (how we live out our orthodoxy) is sadly lacking in many of our shepherds? Thankfully, The Catechism of the Catholic Church does speak clearly on the NFP issue. Number 2370: “Periodic continence, that is, the methods of birth regulation based on self observation and the use of infertile periods is in conformity with the objective criteria of morality”. However, there is still questioning among faithful Catholics about whether or not this is just another concession to the modern world, and how one is to practice NFP without falling into a mindset of “Catholic birth control.”
In real life, in the marriage bed, in the confessional, in a lady’s discussions over tea with other ladies, the issue is not so clear, partly because this particular issue has arisen with the development of greater scientific understanding about how the body works—it is, in short, a genuinely “new option.” “New” does not necessarily mean “better,” nor does it necessarily mean “worse.” Because NFP is a result of true scientific progress, many people mistakenly place it in the modernist or progressivist camp, like abuses in the Mass and the attempted change of the perennial teaching of the Faith in the post-conciliar Church.
“If you are Catholic, and you aren’t using NFP to limit your family, you are irresponsible financially and environmentally, and you aren’t going to be able to give each child the attention he needs. Besides, you give the rest of us moderate Catholics a reputation of being off-the wall.” Here is the NFP extreme position from the left, if you will. To those who battle with Protestant, secular, or pagan co-workers, friends, or family members on this issue, this is not an uncommon argument one faces. The pressure put on many Catholic couples is immense. Anyone with more than two or three children knows what it is like, day after day, to encounter the world with a bevy of children, notwithstanding the very real economic injustices of modern society, where prices are driven up by singles, homosexuals, and ‘child-free’ couples! But to try to argue with this basically irrational and extreme position is a waste of time. It is sweepingly judgmental, raising the use of NFP to the same level as the obligation to attend Sunday Mass. This view is a true concession to secular society. To live rightly in a crazy world has always taken moral courage, and there are couples who are able to have many children without even considering NFP for a moment—this is a true blessing. If one has ever been around a happy and well-run family with lots of children, one immediately sees the beauty of a well-attended domestic church, as it were, full of life and love.
The extreme position on the right goes like this: “If you are a Catholic and using NFP, you are sinning grievously.” Is NFP really different from artificial contraception ? In using contraception, one is saying, “I will use all and every means available to me in this world in order to not get pregnant.” One can see in this position the quite logical step to abortion. But, when practicing NFP, one is saying, “I will not use any option available, but I will work within my God-given periods of fertility and infertility in order to avoid pregnancy for a serious reason. “God, if You want me to have a baby, the door is still open for You.” As rational beings, we know quite well that we do not have to use any option that helps us to execute our will just because it is available to use. I do not drive on the shoulder of the highway in a traffic jam just because the option is open. There are standards and rules and reasons why I can’t do that, even though it might serve my desires well at the time.
In NFP the couple is using reason according to the teaching of the Church and the particular situation they are in; no one else besides the three in the marriage (the man, the woman and God, as Archbishop F. Sheen said) can properly make that decision. NFP is in itself a licit option allowed by the Church, yes, but one can still ask, “How do I decide whether or not to use NFP in order to postpone pregnancy in my case?”
The answer lies in the virtue of prudence, the genitrix and auriga virtutum, the mother and guide of the virtues. Prudence. Like a mother, prudence judges things situation by situation, but always with what is unchangeably right in mind. Thus, prudence makes the other virtues fit well into each situation, taking into account the many variables that cannot often be rightly understood only from general principles, or by armchair intellectual abstraction.
Each Catholic is called to work to form and exercise the virtues in the service of God, others, and self. Like athletes we are in training to be saints. The situations in life, like the issue of NFP, are the hurdles, our virtues, prayers, and graces are our muscles and lungs. The primary balancing point on the issue of NFP is that it is a matter of prudence. This is why the different decisions of two Catholic regarding the use of NFP can be ultimately grounded in the same right standard. It is a mysterious process of prudential discernment unavailable to anyone but the couple itself.
A question must be addressed, however: “What are “right standards?” This is where the confusion of modern life becomes so tragic. In order to exercise prudence, and thus exercise the virtues well, one must be able to have good judgment. Good judgment, in turn, rests on good formation. One must have been formed into understanding how to see what is right, what is oriented towards the good, in any given situation. Most of us in our childbearing years were formed badly or not at all, fermenting in “open-classrooms” and self-catechesis. How are we possibly expected to be prudent in such an important area such as our fertility? What exactly are the “serious reasons” related to my situation, my personality, my marriage? How do I avoid the sinful, birth-control mentality when practicing NFP?
The silver lining on this modern cloud, under which the present-day speaking Church seems to be hid, is that we, the laity, are challenged to seek the truth; it has once more become like the buried pearl. We have to sell everything to buy it. The Church, in Her documents, Her scholasticism, Her saints and Her tradition, is the oyster of formation. But it must be sought with diligence.
In order for Catholic couples to find the virtuous balance between the extremes on the NFP issue, they must be courageous souls, lovers of truth, tradition, the Church, and above all, Christ; they must be willing to become students, hopefully under the guidance of a good and holy spiritual director. It is hard to find the time, hard to find the good spiritual director, hard to become properly formed, hard to become a saint. But, this issue must be taken seriously, and not just as another “option,” exercised mindlessly.
Here, I must answer an important question that may be raised by some Catholics: “Aren’t you just using prudence as a cover for lack of generosity and trust in God? Why would God ever allow a child to come into this world that would end up causing more evil than good for itself and for its parents?” This is an excellent question. First of all, God respects our free will. We have many powers, power to use force, power to speak, power to think. God grants us these as gifts, and we must learn when to use or not use them. The use of our fertility, co-creation with God, is the most profound of these gifts, for it involves God directly; therefore it requires the most careful thought and prudence.
An example is in order. A man and woman enter a marriage, each knowing that the other has significant emotional problems to overcome. They enter the marriage with good counsel and prayer, and believe it is still right to get married. The couple has done everything they can to be able to live a marriage that is pleasing to God—but they have wounds. They start out their marriage in generosity, having many children. Financially and professionally, this is hard, but they are open to life and see each child as a gift. Finally, after the fifth child, they start to feel overwhelmed, and, using prudence in obtaining good Catholic counsel, they decide that in order to be good parents to the children that they have and to be able to continue to heal their own wounds, they need to postpone pregnancy. They do not totally shut the door to more children in their life, for they keep it a matter of discussion and prayer, but they are acting with forethought. They can feel confident that if there is a “surprise,” it would be in their best interest, and that God will take care of them.
The question, “How can a child ever be bad for me?” can be answered sarcastically:
“Never, but you can be bad for a child.” Joking aside, the answer is no, a child is always a gift, no matter what the circumstances are. The newly canonized St. Ger Molla is a beautiful example. She is an eternal soul with the potential to praise God and love her neighbor. We have all seen situations where a child born in terrible circumstances has brought love, healing, and joy. As stated before, fertility is a positive power that can be used or not used. And so, if there is a situation in a marriage where there are serious reasons to postpone pregnancy, it is licit and prudent to do so. Each marriage and each person is different, and so I believe Our Lord deals with each in a special way. We must do likewise, within the God-given guidelines of Holy Mother Church.
Finally, a thought on motivations: The use of NFP to have a small family falls outside the norm and tradition of larger families. Again, I quote The Catechism of the Catholic Church, number 2373: “Sacred Scripture and the Church’s traditional practice see in large families a sign of God’s blessing and the parents’ generosity.” The use of NFP to postpone births has to fall under the category of serious reasons, and these are left fairly ambiguous because each situation is very different. Each couple must look at their motivations both for having children and for postponing them. The decisions about what constitute serious reasons for avoiding pregnancy must be under the general attitude of openness to life. Otherwise, any decisions will be in danger of being imprudent and even immoral, i.e. “Catholic birth control.”
What is openness to life? It is a state of being, an attitude about the basic goodness of Creation, a joy in observing and being a steward of God. Openness to life for the married person is like the openness to the operation of God that the priest must have when consecrating the Eucharist. It is, in part, allowing oneself to be the vehicle by which God works a wonder, to see this procreative ability for the tremendous gift that it is, whether or not the individual should or should not have more children. This is why I focus on the need for good formation. A love of life, of God, and of His creation must be formed within us, catechized into us. So many of us were falsely catechized by a modern world that hates life. Modern man lacks the courage to truly live as a fully moral, physical and spiritual being, which is to say, to pass on life.
A Catholic couple must cultivate the love of life, as well as the knowledge of the moral issues involved with their fertility. It is central to their being and to their marriage. Only after there is this attitude of love and openness can a couple make truly prudential decisions about NFP.
